It was Mother�s Day, and I truly didn�t expect any of the day to be �about me.� Quite to my surprise, I was given a bit of information, which emanated, from the most unlikely male ally.
*sigh*
What�s this girl to do?
After blushing and sitting uncomfortably silent I said what I felt, I needed to say.
I felt I�d been given the official blow off, during an earlier cell phone conversation. It is likely not the last time I�ll be rejected, and while it didn�t hurt me, talking about it, was giving it life, and I didn�t intend to do that.
Later in the evening, I had the pleasure of talking with My Favorite Nupe. Nearly falling asleep on him
I arrived at my office to find this waiting for me:
-----Original Message-----
From: A[mailto:A]
Sent: Monday, May 12, 2003 8:52 AM
To: Souljourn
Subject: 2003 May 12
Good Morning Mboogie,
I got to thinking about what you said last night. I think you already know how I feel about you. I have no idea how you feel about me. Downplaying my feelings has been something I done since the breakup of my ex-fiance. I like you a lot because I think we have more in common than most women I have run into. I don't know too many women who watch Jeopardy, listen to talk radio, loves to travel, and have my love of food without feeling guilty about it. I told myself that I would never ever put the time and effort into another woman as I had with ex ever again. Then I met you and was like ok, maybe one exception. ; )
I guess what I see are problems are personal goals, the long distance issue, and just plain not knowing what you think of me. What I mean by personal goal is the fact that you are trying to handle your business up there like going to school and moving to Florida. My goal has always been was to find some way to not depend on my job as my one source of income, but to use what I know to provide another source of income. If it becomes the major source of my income, I am all for that but the likelihood of that happening is small.
*I thought it over a bit and here�s what I wrote him back.*
-----Original Message-----
From: Souljourn
Sent: Monday, May 12, 2003 10:00 AM
To: 'A'
Subject: RE: 2003 May 12
Dearest A*
Hello and good morning. It was my pleasure to speak with you last night.
I hope I didn't have your mind running all night, as that would've been a bad thing. Sleep is important.
I was not targeting you with my comments, just expounding how I feel about that whole situation with Eugene* and men in general. I was being completely honest on that. My attitudes towards men, are open and quite strong, as you heard last night.
I'm not looking for a man to take care of me per se, but someone with whom I can spoil, pamper and treat well, and I'd like to be treated the same way. I think that life is about living well and enjoying each other.
If one is blessed enough to find his soul mate, in my opinion, that is a rare and precious thing, indeed. You hang on for dear life and give it your all. (Again, just my opinion).
My issue with you and me is only one thing - the distance.
I have held back my feelings; partly out of total and complete respect and understanding, for your desire to take things slowly.
On the other hand, also in an effort to not come on too strong. You observed that and even mentioned it, during my visit. I was trying my hardest to be reserved and respectful. Its comical now actually. To be quite honest A*, it can be very frustrating when you have feelings for someone, but you don't want to rush, or you don't want to do anything which could potentially jeopardize what you two are trying to build together.
Honestly speaking, we do share many natural commonalities. A*I love and respect you as a person, and I feel that I can come to you with anything.
You've been a tremendous friend and confidante' and I feel that a stable foundation is required in the very least for a lasting friendship.
Our conversations have easily run the gamut and I've always felt comfortable and at ease with you.
You've exercised patient, tact and the soundest judgment and integrity when I've come to you for help. I admire all of those qualities.
I have always felt admired and respected in your company. You must know that meeting you was the best thing that happened to me last year.
Much to my surprise, I found you were absolutely the same � in email, in writing, on the phone and in person. It is truly rare and I don't take that for granted.
You have made yourself quite clear where you stand emotionally, on more than one occasion, and all I can say is that I am in total appreciation of your honesty.
Please know that my move to Florida is tentative.
I know that I can't continue here in Maryland solo, and if I were to meet the man who would ultimately spend the rest of his life with me, of course that goal would change.
With respect to school, that is something I've had on my radar for quite some time.
It matters not where I go, only that I do go at some point.
On this issue I am also flexible.
I can completely understand and respect your feelings for wanting to be cautious given what happened with your ex.
A* you know, I would never push you, nor would I want you to feel rushed or hurried about anything involving me.
It has been a complete joy and pleasure to be your friend you have superseded my expectations literally by miles.
A* I truly think the world of you, and respect you as a peer.
You amaze me.
If I may speak frankly, I feel if given a chance, to engage in a courtship with you, I could easily fall in love with you. Honestly, how could I not? I have always felt that we complement one another quite naturally.
As you indicated, the distance does pose a huge challenge.
I am quite leery to engage in any type of long distance relationship as I know that I don't handle them well.
Perhaps we should, have several more conversations, in greater detail, about what we want for ourselves and what we each see in the way of a potential future.
I can't deny it, I would love to have the opportunity, to live in Alabama, of course, you know that I would want to be as financially independent as possible as I'd never want to be a burden to you or anyone else.
A* in short, there are many possibilities, we have many options available to us, we don't have to come to any final conclusions, I'm open to discussing this in greater depth, if you are.
Souljourn