Happy March Eve & Recap
It snowed yesterday, and continued well into this morning. I awoke at 2 am, 4am, 5am and again at 6am. I decided to watch the news to verify road conditions and to pray.
I haven�t been going through anything that I�d describe as extraordinary but my life is moving. The movement can�t be compared to that of the Japanese high speed technology bullet train, or even to Amtrack�s Ocella. I�ve made decisions and each day I see myself making a change here and there and I smile because I realize that with each day I am getting closer to achieving my goal.
I�ve been reading Trinity63 daily and realizing that she�s got a valid point when she talks about Overweight people enable themselves through their lifestyle. I�m obese, but I�ve been recovering from a terminal illness. In my head I keep hearing that it takes time to loose weight, and that I didn�t put it on overnight etc. All of which is true, and just like Trin I don�t want to hear that anymore. Unrealistically I want to awaken and be 115lbs. really I�d like to be 120lbs at 12% body fat, and feel vital and vigorous. The truth is, that won�t happen because my want is not based in reality.
Every couple of weeks I go through a brief assessment of myself, my thoughts, my actions and what I could or should be doing to improve. My health and my weight are on my mind quite a bit. I must confess that my self image has changed quite a bit and there are even days at a stretch when I don�t even think about how I look or how I feel glamour wise. For some of you gentle readers, you may think I�m really sick and in need of help or therapy. You may very well be right, but at the moment, I�m just speaking from the perspective of me/myself/I.
This week after driving L�s mom to the shop � her car has been doing a couple strange things � I passed the Gym. L took me by there, before he left for the war but I was so sick with fever, I didn�t want to get out of the truck to go inside and face the trainer and the buff bodies I imagined that were contained within.
Trin has got my mind whirring around. I am contemplating whether or not, I should go to the gym, enquire what a membership costs, and talk with a trainer. I am seeing results from my training at home, just yesterday I wore a leather coat which is supposed to be a waist length coat, but it now is more like � length and the sleeves are so long they nearly cover my hands. My clothing doesn�t fit me the way it used to � and that makes me happy as well because I am receiving �confirmations� if you will, that the training is working and that I�m not over doing it. Also I know that my metabolism is working just fine.
Last month, my primary physician completed a battery of tests on my thyroid. This is the second set of testing I�ve had in a 2 year period. First time around, was because mother nagged me about it, this time my physician was concerned about multi symptoms I exhibited when I visited her office a couple months ago.
The test results indicate that my thyroid function is well within normal limits.
I need to do some serious emotional homework.
I also need to commit myself to training on a consistent basis, just as I�d done years earlier when I was a competition bodybuilder. Somewhere along the road of Cancer recovery I lost that fervor, that level of commitment.
I suppose the loss of my near obsession with body building is normal because my life changed so very drastically in a short period of time, and because I was in a relationship with someone I thought I�d be spending the rest of my life with.
All things in life are constant and the most constant is change. I�ve come so very far, but if asked at this very moment, the things I�d discuss with respect to change deal with ME.
Its time to put all else aside and refocus.
A completely ungraceful segue way, Happy March Eve.
Its been a productive month, but I need to do like Emeril, and �kick it up a notch�.