Last night at 11:34 pm dad called. Correction, his new cell phone called me (this is the 2nd time in a month that this phenom has occured)...I tried to wake up so we could converse.
I knew it was going to be an introspective exchange and I was right.
We talked about important father daughter issues.
I believe in my heart of hearts that both my mother and father are going through a deep period of introspection.
I am all in support of this process, as it involves changes, growth, and thought. What I don't want (not sure if it is even my place to think or feel this), is I don't want either mom or dad tearing themselves apart about what they didn't do as parents. Nor do I want them wistful and hurt about what cards life dealt them.
It's the past, and while it is important in a manner of speaking life is in the here and now, and in the future, we look back in order to have perspective and to learn from our mistakes and to do things differently not to punish and blame ourselves.
This year, I have so very much to be thankful for, and I especially give thanks that with the recent violent weather in both their respective locations they both lived and continue to thrive.
Life isn't easy and as the first born I think they are both realizing I didn't have and didn't get and now they want to try to do something about it.
I don't know that there is a such thing as "righting" a wrong but I do know that all I have for them is love and the older I get, there is more perspective and understanding on how challenging life was for them when they were my age. To be honest with you, when I think of all the responsibility they had, it scares the bee jeebers out of me! It also makes me think and I give thanks because my life is just about me I have no one else to take care of and yet I have a great many in my support system who have loved me and cared for me and guided me through my own journey. In short what my parents couldn't and didn't give - I did manage to get becuase I am a "seeker".
All I pray for is their respective happiness and that our relationships continue to grow and be productive, loving and supportive.
Life is simply to short to be spent otherwise.
They aren't perfect, but they are MY parents, and I love them.
Edit:
1800hrs. Snow is falling silently outside. Meanwhile indoors I am cleaning up my bedroom. This deep cleaning has become part of my end of the semester routine...
Tonight I made a L.L. Cool J double cd compilation for Mw; just 1 of the gifts I am going to give her for Christmas. In case you couldn't guess Mw is an L.L. fan.
Well I better get off this here machine and get into bed, I've got an interview in the early a.m., in the city of Columbia, snow on the ground plus the local driver's lack of driving skill even in a light dusting of snow means I will need a healthy lead time prior to my interview in order to arrive on-time, safe and in 1 piece.
Still haven't have "the talk" with Boo. I know that the longer I wait the more awkward, unpleasant and difficult this is gonna be.
*sigh*
Guten Nacht, Meine Leibe