Santa
My brother sent me this email. I�m sharing it because I found it funny.
If Santa answered his mail honestly�
Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a f*cking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging sh*t may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
Snowing
Its snowing like mad, here in Maryland. On a normal day, I drive 66 miles (one way). It takes approximately 90 minutes for me to do so. Today, it took 3 hrs. and 15 minutes. I awoke at 3 a.m. to clean my car off, then hopped back into bed. Back up at 5 a.m. and out the door promptly at 0600hrs. I arrived at work, safe and sound. I witnessed a number of people who were not so lucky � some of whom were driving 4 x 4 vehicles. There goes all the hopes I�d hinged upon the soundness and safety etc. associated with a 4x4 in inclement weather. Oh yeah, there is a great deal to be said for one�s driving ability.
The one thing I�ve got to look forward to, is that I have my camera with me. By Jove I�m gonna take some pictures of the trees once the snowfall abates.
I hope the rest of you all are being safe and allowing ample following distances between your vehicle and the others in fronta ya.
Drive careful all.
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