Learning Life�s Lessons
�Its okay Ant. Thank you for caring about me.
You know what? Because of this experience, I realized that I'm growing up.
Initially I was reading their group emails. I kept thinking I don't understand what they are talking about. So I sat back and waited, and waited. The emails started flowing 30 or more a day, then I got to thinking this is weird. None of what they are saying makes any sense to me. I felt at first like �what is going on?� �Do they realize they are including me on this convo?� When I ask a question sometimes they answer, most times they didn't. I said, �oh they want me to think I'm invisible.� �Okay, I'll be so invisible they won't know how to deal with me.� That is when I realized that I needed to get away from them.
Why would you include a person in emails then not answer questions related to the emails?...I hope I gave them what they were after, comedy drama etc.
I thought I was crazy or senile. Thinking how is it that I can't follow what they are discussing? Then I went home, prayed about it, and began having bad feelings inside. I said, �hey wait. You just dejunked your whole life.� I had to remind myself �People you have known years you walked away from them. So why is it, you feel you should hold on to these new people?� �What is so special about them?, that you'd do that, after you made a conscious decision to improve your life all the way around?� When I discovered, that I had no answers, or nothing good to say about them, I told myself to move on.
This time around, I didn't dwell on it and I didn't cry or loose sleep. It didn't hurt, although I was a bit puzzled. It is all okay because it is chalked up to a learning experience in my mind. I'm mature enough to say �hey I had a lesson, I saw it, I learned, I acted on it and I'm moving on.� Peace to you all.
I would have liked to go to the meet and greet but I would ignore those folks and go meet others but, that isn't me to put someone on "ignore" status. So rather than get myself deeper into "muck" I just walk away.
Nothing saying I can't continue to be friends with you, * * and *.
I met you 3, I like you 3 so I'll keep and cultivate those friendships.
Also another way for me to think of this is, not all of us are on the same wave length. We don't think/act/talk the same and why should we?
If you got a special feeling of comfort, understanding and warmth from everyone, would you be friends or special friends or very close or say I love you to people who matter most? How would you be able to differentiate that feeling(s)? I think the answer is we'd all be boring, like robots on an assembly line. All exactly the same�homogenous. This way, I can appreciate the differences. I know I'm demanding and what I expect. I can't lower that for anyone. There are special people in my life, and these special people matter to me for important reasons.
There is no one in my life right now that I don't love and feel deeply for. Period. That is the way I always wanted to be, and it is the way I choose to live. It just so happens that *, *, *, * and * don't fit into the matrix I've made up for myself. There is no crime there. Just live and let live, so I moved on.
I know that for some people, having someone move on, on you can be hard. It means that for whatever reason that person has chosen and decided to live their life's journey without you being a part of it. That could be a wake up call for some, or for others they can use it to talk about you. Whatever, is clever. I wish them all well, and that they find their own way, for their own lives.
It has taken me a little bit of time and hard won knowledge and matters of the heart to get here. It's all okay. The time it took, the hurt I had to endure, it was all necessary and important for me to become who I am. So I can say honestly that I can move on.
I saw just in the right time, where I needed to be spending my time, my energy and my emotions. It turns out that I'm in a place in my life where this does not include these 4 people.