I have no Earthly idea what is going on. Honestly I don�t.
Is Venus in Saturn rising?...
Wait no, Is it a full moon? (it was last week, for the record)�
or, Could it possibly be that one�s 34th birthday is the luckiest birthday of all? (when it comes to romance?)...(And to think, none of you even bothered to tell me. *sigh* If that�s really the case � what kind of friends are you then?! Huh? What kind I ask?!)
The reality of all of this is, that it is highly unlikely that any of this is going to lead anywhere at all � let�s be straight with each other, this is me we are talking about; afterall.
I�ll desist with the blather already.
Way way way too much is and has been going on!!! As far as I am concerned, it seems as if life is going in Fast Forward whilst I�m going 1 frame at a time. *sigh* Guess what?!...It�s hard to keep pace like that people.
To date, 3 ex-boyfriends have returned from extended exiles in �The Land of Ex-boyfriends�, just to wish me Happy Birthday. Each wants to spend time, catch up, celebrate *yada* *yada* *yada*.
*sigh* What IS really going on?! Why is all of THIS happening now!?... What did I do? Because at some point I�m going to want to un-do it � whatever it is or was.
Fast forward to this Sunday, I had no idea this weekend of all weekends, that 1 of my 3 Exile-es would do precisely what was needed to achieve HIS agenda. Ambitious little Kappa charmer that he is�
Before I go any further however, I do need to acknowledge this past weekend was homecoming at Morgan. Take a look here and here .
We, (The Morgan State Golden Bears) WON!
*gasp*
*swoon*
We actually beat The Howard Bisons?!...
I really wanna know what�s going on for real now�I can barely believe this. This doesn't happen often, people make like you�re high 5-ing, celebrate accordingly and recognize My Golden Bears!
I have been so caught up, all in my own world, I didn�t know or realize, because if had known or had realized, I�d have also known that DB-Jr. was in town. He attends our Homecomings religiously. Far better than I can say for myself. I�ve never ever gone. Years of promises of how I�d attend along with him, but somehow I always was scheduled to work or I was out of town. This year, this time around, I definitely have a good reason � I�m in college - I�m on the fast track to improving my life, myself my career path as well as my skillsets.
DB-Jr. made it his business to make contact with me, despite the fact that we had parted in one of the ugliest ways�He asked me for only one thing - to take me out for my birthday so we could spend some quality time.
You know he totally caught me off guard right?!
I had just arrived home after pulling an all nighter at my office Friday night into Saturday morning, that was necessary, in order to complete a project for my Marketing class. I managed to �sleep� 5 hours, I awoke got myself together then attended Logic class for 5 hrs. directly afterwards I forced myself to make a grocery run and a wine run. K-lo Yes, I did ask the guy there to �pull it out� for me. And he did it too! Guys in liquor stores will do just about anything you tell them to. I�m convinced of it.
Sleepy, giddy, and demented yep that was me Saturday morning. That�s one example of the crude sort of stuff I�ll resort to for self amusement. The guy was a good sport, he even laughed along with me. I KNOW he had no idea what he was laughing at.
I digress.
DB-Jr. and I had brunch at Jasper�s. I could only give him 2 hrs. of my time. He said he�d take whatever he could get. (mental note to self � Souljourn very much likes and is attracted to low maintenance, well polished, educated men), *eh hem* I had a 5 hr. class to get to directly after brunch and virtual plans swirled in my head � Friday this week I will make a jaunt home to the Cayman Islands.
Our conversation ran the gamut. It was so easy to be in his company. We spent no time arguing or �riffing� as we call it , about the past. Instead we each talked about our lives, the directions we were going in, and what we wanted. He looked great, he always does � I noted healthier and buff more than ever. Special Forces* training had been mighty good to him. Years earlier he�d begun losing his baby soft curly hair and had opted to shave his head. It was a new look for him, one that took me a bit of time to get used to, but nothing bad about it at all. I noticed that he smiled an awful lot. I didn�t realize it until he told me, I was smiling a lot too.
So what now?!
I can�t help but recap it all. His smile, his warm eyes, his voice, his charm, our talking, eating, laughing, all in comfort, with such ease, we�ve always been just plain old good fun company for each other. I struggle to settle on what was the best part of all of it. I never could have guessed he would hug me and hold me for 27 minutes saying good bye, only to mutter this final phrase � I don�t want to let you go.�
I can�t lie, or even deny it. I�ve missed his company over the years. I�ve used my work and now school to keep me busy all in an effort to not think about �what could have been�. Here he was, in my world, doing it to me all over again.
Reality�s bitter pill, and oh so true to form for us, we are both going in different directions [AGAIN]. I couldn�t help but think as he held me, �This is hopeless.�
He asked several pointed questions - that�s DB-Jr. for you. Always thinking, always asking questions, the deep kind that you can�t give one word answers to.
Major food for thought now.
�
I have no intents on giving up school, nor my impending relocation and Grad School plans of attending The University of Miami.
Instead, I�m leaving this right where it was before he�d made contact with me.
DB-Jr. the ball is in your court love.
This time come with you�re A-Game or don�t come at all.
You saw for yourself..�Your girl is all grown up; the stakes are ever so much higher now.
We did agree on one major point...
...There is NOTHING like being a Free Agent.